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I now feel completely validated in the way I handled my personal horror story. I fucked up my own life quite a bit, but saved others and learned a lot in the process. Now I can be a resource for others, and that is more important to me than having it easy myself.
I’m sorry not all of you know what I’m talking about here. Once upon a time some shit happened and now it’s pretty much over The End.
Sometimes, the way you feel is not the way you think you SHOULD feel. Like, you realize that your feelings are not “mature” or “proper”, and maybe you should be feeling differently about something than you actually are. So, maybe you feel frustrated, or like your heart is being squeezed up your throat, when you “shouldn’t”. When you really “should” DGAF or have a different attitude about everything.
But… forget that. You can’t dictate feelings that way. If you’re feeling something and try to repress it, or start to feel guilty about it, it’s not productive and even magnifies the unpleasantness. You can’t let other people or common sense or Hollywood tell you that what you’re feeling is wrong, because that’s just not the way feelings work.
I’m going to focus on letting new-found personal peace and happiness overpower the disappointments. (Because, frankly, my disappointments are few and my bliss is tremendous.) I’m going to focus on appreciating and loving people even when I wish things aren’t they way they are, or things wouldn’t happen the way they happen. And I’m also going un-apologetically feel exactly the way I must when I must, because experience tells me that’s the fastest way through it. (If you stand in your own way of standing in your own way, the worst sort of impasse transpires.)
I have nothing but love for everyone in my life down here in the TC, and even though my heart can be like a drunk child (irrational, stubborn, bratty, reckless, impassioned, extreme), that love is really fucking unconditional. [“Love” probably sounds extreme or (even worse) insincere, but that’s really the scale on which my feelings run. I’ve never had a “best friend”, for example. I’ve had ten “best friends” at a time.]
In other news, it’s 7:30PM and I’ve only been up for 4 hours. Happy Belated America Day everyone. Anybody down to watch quirky old films later? I’ll make real-ass popcorn on the stove and everything.
Currently watching Troll 2 at Ye Olde Fuck Shaq. This is probably my last night on this couch in this living room…ever.
I can only hear what’s happening on the screen, but it sounds as though an sleepy/drugged lady is advancing unenthusiastically on her neighbor with a chainsaw.
I’m at that age when you no longer have “sleep-overs” or “slumber parties”. Don’t get me wrong, people still spend the night. But now, it’s generally because they’re too drunk to get home before morning. And if you’re lucky, they’ll be less hung-over than you and therefore are in charge of making breakfast for everyone.
Everybody reaches this point at a different age. There are still people from my high school class showing up on my Facebook newsfeed while planning to have slumber parties. I just can’t imagine doing something like that anymore as an intentional and structured way of spending time with friends. At least, not at my parents’ house.
Nope, this is just not something I do anymore. But it’s apparently still popular with Vicky’s Secret models.